You've done everything right, and you still can't find your way home to yourself

I was 11 the first time my body tried to tell me something. It would spend the next three decades trying to get my attention.

The gynaecological issues started in childhood - years of medication, investigations, and eventually a diagnosis of endometriosis that took seven years to reach and 3 laparoscopies to manage. A forced menopause that was supposed to last 3 months and stretched to 9 because the medical system got it so wrong. HRT, 2 Mirena coils. Zoladex (with an increased risk of osteoporosis) because that felt like the only option left. Clomid for fertility. And at one point, a breast cancer drug offered as a solution to help me conceive, but I'd had enough so I turned it down.

In 2004, I lost three of my four grandparents., and my fourth was diagnosed with lung cancer. I was 16, moving through college, absorbing grief I didn't have the language for - because I didn't yet know I was an empath, and empaths absorb everything. My body responded the way bodies do when they're carrying what the mind doesn't process. I developed what they called Non-Allergic Rhinitis - a condition with no known cause and no resolution. So they gave me antihistamines, a steroid nasal spray, and Montelukast, and then sent me on my way.

The back problems came later; 15 MRIs within a single year, then a C5/C6 disc replacement in my neck and opioids on repeat prescription. I was, by any measure, highly medicated and nowhere close to well.

Then in 2017, shortly after my wedding, I had what appeared to be a stroke. Thankfully, it wasn't - but it was serious enough to change everything. I was taken off the pill, we fell pregnant... And then we lost the baby.

February 2019.

I went back to work too quickly after the miscarriage, I didn't grieve, I know that now. By the April, I was in the middle of what I can only describe as a breakdown. A breakthrough, actually, though I couldn't see that yet. I was signed off. And I did what I thought you were supposed to do — acupuncture, reflexology, massage every two weeks, trying again to fall pregnant. I was fixing the outside. Completely detached, I can see now, from the inner work that actually needed doing.

I wasn't broken though, I just hadn't found my door yet.

Financially, I had to go to back to work. My chaperone holding my hand every day, we built a friendship. She was guiding me back into a world that terrified me when she mentioned that she'd booked a Reiki and Crystal Therapy session, so I booked too. 

Just like that. No research. No logic. Something in me simply knew.

It was a rainy October evening, and I had 3 crystal bracelets - Amethyst & Aventurine on my wrist, and a Clear Quartz one too big for my wrist, so I'd slipped it around my ankle instead. My sock over the top, jeans full length - nobody could see it.

I fell straight to sleep during the treatment, it was warm, cosy, and nurturing.

Afterwards, the practitioner told me all of my chakras were blocked, every single one, except for my root, and I remember thinking to myself 'well, that makes sense.'

Then she asked if I was wearing Clear Quartz - she could feel it but couldn't see it.

I rolled up my jeans, and pulled down my sock.

And then, about 2 minutes later, without any warning, it shattered! Dozens of pieces scattered across the floor. My mum was with me. and we all just sat in silence, because there's a saying that a crystal will break when it's done its work and you no longer need it.

That night I slept through for the first time in longer than I could remember. I woke without the need of an alarm. I had a spring in my step and the first time since our miscarriage, I felt something I'd almost forgotten was possible - Hope.

In January 2020 I came off every single medication; the antidepressants, antihistamines, steroid spray, Montelukast, and pain meds, and I haven't touched any since.

What followed was the most significant healing journey of my life. Essential oils. Energy work. Reiki. And eventually, when I completed my Reiki 1st degree, I just knew, with absolute certainty that this was what I was here to share.

I'm still healing - I want you to know that. I'm still piecing things together, still discovering new layers, still doing the work. Because healing is not linear, and it is not quick, and anyone who tells you otherwise hasn't done it properly.

But here's what I also know: I have made a business from every ounce of my journey. And that means when you bring me your hardest thing, your body that won't cooperate, your grief that has nowhere to go, your exhaustion that sleep doesn't fix, I won't flinch.

I've lived some version of it, and I know the way through.